Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
