the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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