Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
