If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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