How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
