Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize