Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
