found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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