She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
