it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
