I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
