Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
