she looked like the before picture.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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