My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
