you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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