he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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