Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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