No, drunk sperm still make babies.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
