Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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