She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
