God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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