Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
