Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
