Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The power of my boobs compel you
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
