just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
