I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What drink are we having for lunch?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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