I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Drunk is a universal language darling
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
