I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
