He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
