You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
