Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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