we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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