he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
