We named our party play list daddy issues
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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