she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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