I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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