What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
