Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
