Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
