I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
