What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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