i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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