So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
