so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize