In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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