i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
