Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
