he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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