Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
