Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
