Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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