Where is the hickey?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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