help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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