i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
