before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
