I don't usually arrange sex via text message
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
