the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
