I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There's always time for handjobs
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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