my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
