also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
