just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
