Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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