We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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