And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
