She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
