i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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