i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize