I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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