my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
