I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
