Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
