I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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