so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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