The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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