I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
